Attachment Parenting

Why babies want to be held most of the time... we are born to attach.



  One reason I enjoyed co-sleeping, a common attachment parenting practice.

An Almost 4 year old Boy

We have decided to home school. I had hoped that my visit to the school would blow me away one way or another, but no such luck. So, it was up to the good ol' pros/cons list. The Montessori school, though it has the potential to be wonderful, also has the potential to be a huge financial strain, a source of extra stress (especially with getting out the door by a certain time), and a host of unknown problems because I couldn't guarantee they would educate my son the same way I would. I got _no_ reviews on this particular school, though I asked a list of very active and vocal Pittsburgh Mamas (who have been around a while and appreciate home schooling, alternative schooling, attachment parenting, natural health, etc.). I also have at best only heard mixed reviews for Montessori schools in general (lots of "my kid loves it, but I have problem with x, y and z.", "they think my 3 year old has ADHD" [though no one would/ at least should _ever_ diagnose it that early, and I know this because of my experience in the medical field; young children just don't have long attention spans, even the "advanced" ones! This clearly speaks of teacher ignorance and an absence of Montessori principles.] I don't know if people who are 100% satisfied with the experience simply don't report that or if mixed reviews or worse are what you get (or if I just haven't found the 100% positive reviews). I love the Montessori philosophy, but I can only guarantee it as far as I can guarantee the way it is filtered through modern individuals... and it's a big financial investment and other physical and mental strains that I can't justify for our family. Besides, I have all these skills, many of which I'm still paying for (OT student loans) and have already bought all these museum memberships (which would not get used as often if he were in school). So, if we sent him to school, not only would we be straining to pay tuition, we would be wasting money on top of it.

I read somewhere (I believe in "Raising a Son") that around 4 boys have a rush of testosterone making them even "crazier" than before. (I wish I could think of a better word, but right now I can't.) I believe it...

He also astounds me on a daily basis with his new-found skills and affectionate sweet-boy demonstrations. He will be 4 in about a month. It never fails that I am surprised and amazed when this time of year comes around.

He took this pic of our beautiful pup, Dana. :)

He wanted to put the 4 pieces of styrofoam the insulation guy gave him "in a hole" because said guy explained that's how they insulated Daddy's office, so I made him a game from a cup, cardboard from the recycling bin and tape (one side taped with packing tape to hold more permanently and one held with freezer tape so he could pull it up and get all the stuff out and start over.) I'm not excited about him playing with styrofoam, but those 4 pieces gave us a new game and work on spatial relations, hand-eye coordination, fine motor coordination and more.

You know the pom poms had to get involved. We don't clear the table off that much and it works so very well...

Every child should be allowed to play in the mud. He's ready to go...
and the ice/melted snow...

This education decision,other not-necessarily household family issues and my father being in and out of the hospital frequently have had me pretty "full to the brim"; thus all the art lately. It has been a truly soothing balm.

Thanks for reading and allowing me to share!

Tomato Canning Feminists

Before I elaborate on the tomatoes, I just want to give a little update on my second detox attempt. It will be short, because I had no major symptoms. It went well. Don't go to Wine and Jazz festival and then up your detox efforts the next day and all should be well. :)

I'm currently reading "Radical Homemakers; Reclaiming Domesticity from a Consumer Culture" - "Mother Nature has shown her hand. Faced with climate change, dwindling resources, and species extinctions, most Americans understand the fundamental steps necessary to solve our global crises-drive less, consume less, increase self-reliance, buy locally, eat locally, rebuild our local communities.In essence, the great work we face requires rekindling the home fires.Radical Homemakers is about men and women across the U.S. who focus on home and hearth as a political and ecological act, and who have centered their lives around family and community for personal fulfillment and cultural change. It explores what domesticity looks like in an era that has benefited from feminism, where domination and oppression are cast aside and where the choice to stay home is no longer equated with mind-numbing drudgery, economic insecurity, or relentless servitude.Radical Homemakers nationwide speak about empowerment, transformation, happiness, and casting aside the pressures of a consumer culture to live in a world where money loses its power to relationships, independent thought, and creativity. If you ever considered quitting a job to plant tomatoes, read to a child, pursue creative work, can green beans and heal the planet, this is your book."

This book has spoken to me in so many ways, and I'm barely into part 2. I've known for so long that "working for the man" didn't make much sense to me. You work and work and work and don't have time to clean your house, do the laundry or cook from scratch. You also don't have the energy to put into personal relationships or build community bonds. (Even though I've not worked for an employer [except for contracting with WVU for classes here and there], I still am feeling the demanding requirements of teaching weekly.)I'm more inspired than ever to:

1. Plant a garden

2. Sew clothes and toys for Angelo, re-usable shopping bags, baby wipes, cleaning cloths, napkins, and any decorative home items we might "need"

3. to dye/re-dye/tie-dye stained clothing to extend its life

4. Frequent thrift stores even more for art/craft supplies, clothing, dishes, books, etc.

5. cook more from scratch (including making all sauces, crusts, mac n' cheese, and any other "convenience items" we used)

6. make more of an effort to make the local farmer's markets. (Morgantown and Cheat Lake) Last year, we did a CSA, but the schedule was difficult to adhere to.

7. use cloth training pants for Angelo at least part of the time.

8. find a source for raw milk and make our own yogurt

9. find out how and make our own flower essences

10. make our own shampoo/conditioner/soap, household cleaners,lotions, herbal remedies, etc. (Make your own shampoo: http://www.brighthub.com/environment/green-living/articles/15787.aspx ;Make your own liquid soap: http://tipnut.com/homemade-liquid-soap/)

12. Weave!!! I love yarn!!! (and have a ton of it)

11. Frequent libraries more(for free books to learn more skills, story hour to take advantage of social and enriching activities for Angelo and used book sales for cheap used books for more skills and art supplies)

12. Barter belly dance lessons, Reiki, Occupational Therapy evaluations for puppy sitting, baby sitting, photo developing/printing, ...

13. Build community by inviting friends for potlucks, attending WV Sprouts meetings, letting them know about library and other activities I'm already going to.

14. Learn to make wine.

15. Discontinue all magazine subscriptions and look at online articles.

My last few Face Book posts have highlighted a couple inspiring quotes from the book. To sum up, family is really important to me and spending more time at home, nourishing our family, acting as a cohesive unit is my ultimate goal. I told my brother-in-law, Mike a few years ago, before we had Angelo that I "just wanted a peaceful life". These goals will definitely help me get there. :)

Weaning after Extended Breast Feeding

As I said in my last post, I am in the process of weaning Angelo. I guess I'll consider him officially weaned once he does not ask to nurse, even once, for ... I don't know, a week? A month? We have now not nursed for over 2 weeks and the process has been much much harder on me than on him. I didn't expect myself to be so sad, but I've talked to someone who gave me a lot of insight and done some soul searching to figure out how to work this out for myself.

So, how did we do it? The whole process started a long time ago when I stopped letting him see my bare breasts during the day, because that made him want to nurse immediately. This was well after we started solids, but he was walking. I don't know exactly how long ago it really was. Gradually, on his own, he found enough things to occupy him during the day so that he only asked to nurse in the evenings when he got tired. But, at night, I couldn't say exactly how much he nursed because I was mostly asleep myself.

After being done mentally for months now, a few weeks before we stopped nursing altogether, I stopped nursing him for the only remaining session we regularly had during the day by lightly saying "no, it's not time to go to sleep". Then I offered to snuggle and read a book or something else that offered comfort.

The last time we nursed, I was prepared to start the weaning process "soon"- that night somehow by lessening the number of times we nursed. We had no commitments that weekend and could afford to lose sleep. I knew it wouldn't be easy, and was prepared to be as gentle as possible while shielding myself from the inevitable tantrums that lay ahead. This is just Angelo I'm talking about- do not assume your child will do anything the same way because every child is different. Our last session was not at all enjoyable, I'm sorry to say. I was so done mentally that I had no tolerance for his rolling around and switching side to side over and over (because my production was so low at that point), that I told him we would hug and were all done nursing. I've done this before quite a few times and he often threw a fit, but sometimes accepted the outcome quietly and snuggled in. There were times when I was under stress and my milk production lower than what he wanted that he said the "nursey [was] broken", and since I denied further nursing that night because he was having to work so hard to get milk, I told him the nursey was broken. That's what I told him for the next few days (nights) when he asked to nurse. The first two nights were extremely difficult for both of us. Me wanting to give in, but knowing I couldn't or we would never be done and I had to be and him wanting his biggest source of comfort, his easiest solution for sleep. But, the third night, he only asked to nurse once. Eric started taking him to bed before me, reading to him and snuggling him until he fell asleep. We have had many nights since when he has not asked at all and he sleeps for very long stretches at a time. I hope I don't jinx the whole thing by reporting that in fact now, he sleeps for about 8-9 hours straight and even has slept a couple times here at home for his nap! If you know what our nap time struggles have been, you know it has been a very long time since he has not slept in the car for a nap.

About a week ago, we had sadness when he asked to nurse and was denied (though I always deny kindly and acknowledge that he is sad and I'm sorry he is sad, and cuddle and tell him I love him very much.) I no longer tell him that "the nursey is broken" since it is clear to me that I do have milk to give him and don't feel it is right to lie. I just simply say no and hug him and if possible, find a distraction. I know he asked a few days ago to nurse, but the event was fairly insignificant. Now he usually announces that it is time to get out of bed now and go get an apple or play with trains.

I still respond physically to his cries, though am in less physical pain. There are many reasons for sadness with this process- different for everyone, but the biggest and most obvious being that it is an end to a very sweet and close part of your relationship. I already have been taking the opportunity to read to him more, pick him up a little more than I was and give him extra hugs and kisses. I planned some bigger activities for us to help with the distraction and then we happened to already have a beach trip planned, which helped tremendously. He was so tired from all the playing and new experiences that I didn't need to worry about him waking up. At least once he asked to nurse and my instinct said it was because he was thirsty, so I offered him water and he excitedly accepted. Another time, I suspected he was hungry and he was happy to take an apple instead.

I wanted to write out this process for myself and then someone suggested I write it out. I agreed it was a good idea. I wanted to do some sort of "ritual" to properly end the relationship and and then someone suggested I do some sort of "ritual". I agreed it was a good idea. I'd heard of people throwing parties and before I asked on the Mothering Face Book page for ritual ideas, and someone suggested a party or something special for the child. I agree that it is a good idea for other people if it seems right. But not for me. In truth, Angelo is still doing much better than I am. Then, Mothering suggested that I write a letter to Angelo and I agree that it is a perfect idea for me. So, I've started by writing to the people who read this blog. :) This is the link Mothering sent me www.mothering.com/breastfeeding/dear-lily It made me cry- a lot, but not in a bad way.

My friend JoAnna asked me in the comments to the last post how I'm getting Angelo through it to help her and her daughter. I was about to post the link when I saw her comment when I realized that I should start by writing out the process here. I've tried doing numerous searches for suggestions on gently weaning after extended breast feeding and had no luck. They were all very vague suggestions like "be gentle and loving" or to just let the child decide when it is right and let it happen "naturally". Sounds pretty vague. So, hopefully I've given enough details that my suggestions for being gentle and loving are actually helpful. If not, please ask for more details. Writing it out has helped me tremendously, so thank you! :)

I knew it was time to move on, I just had to listen to myself and do it. As it is so often important when mothering, follow your instincts. They will guide you the best way since they are coming from you. :)

Moments of magic

Twice this morning, Angelo sat up in bed, very sleepily and clapped when he looked over at me. He was happy I was there. I was happy I was there. :) Later in the day, he came up and said, "My friend Mommy is not gone." "My friend Mommy"! So sweet!

I think the fact that he is finding extra happiness that I'm still here, not going anywhere may be related to our ending our nursing relationship. I don't know if psychologically I'm ready to say he is weaned, and my body certainly hasn't gotten the message, but we have not nursed since Friday. I intended on doing extended breast feeding and following his lead for the most part. But, I've finally reached the point where I have to stop. I have to detox and get some energy back. I feel he's old enough, has reached a maturity level that I can reason at least a little with him. It has been tough on both of us, but going relatively well. That's all I can say right now.

I went to see Eat Pray Love today. A couple posts ago, I mentioned the Italian theme running through my life? Well, she goes to Italy in this movie! I didn't know that before I went to see the movie! I knew India, but not Italy! I was especially struck by the guy in the barber shop's description of Americans and her learning "the art of doing nothing". I think that's why I have enjoyed the company of Italians so much- I've felt this American need to go, go, go, do, do, do exhausting, pointless and nearly disgusting. That "American work ethic" combined with perfectionism has had me want to run for the hills! Why can't we just "be"? Hmm.. well, I think I'm getting the message. :)

Hopes and Dreams

Hola!

I'll fill out my profile shortly, but I thought I'd introduce myself. I started belly dancing in 1993 and practicing yoga shortly after. I got my Masters in Occupational Therapy and my specialty was in pediatrics, though I've also worked in Rehab and in Nursing homes. I quit my full time OT job when symptoms from Hashimoto's disease rendered me poorly functional. I went professional as a belly dancer since it gave me energy rather than draining it. My husband I were married in 2000. We were lucky enough to get two lab-shepard-husky-rotti mix pups about 4 1/2 years ago when my sister's dog had puppies (that's Dana in the picture.) The showed us how to love unconditionally and prepped us for the biggest job we'd ever know: parenting! We were blessed with a beautiful boy, Angelo (also in the picture), in 2007. When one of our dogs, Tara, was killed when a mountain lion came up on our porch, we were devastated, completely traumatized. We experienced our greatest joy and our deepest pain all within 9 months! I got my Reiki II attunement shortly after she died. It was absolutely necessary for healing not only myself, but the whole family. I got my Reiki I for the dogs and baby in the first place. I'll never stop missing her, but we have "settled" into a new normal. I teach a couple bellydance classes a week and perform. I'll be going to at least one workshop a month until June and then am sponsoring one myself!! (will post more on that later...)

I'd been thinking for some time that I should start a blog for several reasons: I wanted to share certain experiences that might help other people (especially pregnancy, vegetarianism, belly dance, natural parenting, yoga, Reiki) to share my development in the mixed media/collage/shrine arts (because all humans are artists and should be encouraged to be artistic), keep people posted on my belly dance happenings and my thoughts on belly dance topics, to share my efforts to live green and inspire others to be environmentally friendly... I'm sure I will have more things to discuss here, but that's a start.  I have to say that there was "universal intervention" in getting me to finally get this started. I'd thought about it for a while and was also meant to search the web for Moms who did arts/crafts so I could get ideas for how they fit all that in. Then I got my most recent issue of Mothering magazine featuring 5 crafty Moms who have multiple kids, cook from scratch, sew for the home and family, craft, and blog all about it. some even home school their kids and managed to write books!  That was the inspiration I needed! So here we are!

some links to check out:

My websites: www.TribalBellyDance.net and www.EarthMovement.org

Mothering Magazine: www.mothering.com

Yoga Journal: www.yogajournal.com

more later...